"Nesting” during Divorce or Separation: Is it Right for You?

For all parties involved, divorce or separation is never easy. Even when the decision is made in the best interest of the children, the aftermath can often be anxiety-inducing for them as they adapt to their new normal. One solution that has become a way to reduce the stress often experienced by children during this difficult period is known as “nesting”. This refers to a temporary arrangement where each parent rotates caring for the children at the family home. Instead of the children having to pack a bag each week and move from one home to another, they are able to stay in the comfort of the home that they know.

There is definitely not one right way to approach nesting and it can look different from one family to another. Sometimes parents will nest for only a few short months, while other times it will last longer. Often, the parents will live with friends or family during “off-duty” time, while other times they will rent a shared apartment to rotate living in. However, what remains consistent between all nesters is the following common goal: Both parents involved are committed to providing a stable, loving environment for their children during a time of major transition. The parents want the children to continue to feel secure and to be sheltered from the conflict that often goes hand-in-hand with the decision to part ways.

For both the children and the parents, nesting provides additional time to adjust to the changes affecting the family dynamics. For the children, this can mean continuing to live by the same routine that they are familiar with, without potentially being introduced to a new neighborhood. Environmental changes could lead to a disruption of the children’ social life, as changes in location could make seeing their friends more difficult. For the parents, nesting provides extra time to consider their options and make important decisions about next steps (selling the family home, searching for a new home, etc.).

Also Read: Documents You Need to Gather for Your Divorce

It is important to note that the nesting arrangement is not suitable for everyone. In order for it to be done successfully while upholding the initial common goal, both parents truly need to be willing to put all animosity aside for the sake of the children. Putting all hard feelings aside is no easy task and requires a mutual commitment to communicating effectively and respecting one another in the process. If the children continue to be subjected to conflict, the goal of the arrangement is not being met. For nesting to work, both parents will need to come up with a mutual plan that is suitable for both of them. For example, they will need to determine a schedule detailing when each will be on-duty caring for the children at the family home. It will also need to address finances and other difficult topics like new relationships.

Although nesting comes with many challenges, there are many positives that can come out of it. For example, during on-duty time, the parent at home will get the opportunity to become closer with their children on a whole other level. When it is their turn at home, all of their energy will be dedicated to their children and making them feel loved, which will inevitably strengthen bonds. From a financial standpoint, nesting can also be beneficial in helping to reduce expenses temporarily by splitting costs at the family home.

However, above all, the best interest of the children is what must come first and is the overarching goal of nesting. This temporary arrangement is by no means black and white and requires a lot of self-reflection in terms of what you may or may not be comfortable with.

If you think nesting might be an option for you, do not hesitate to contact us, we would be happy to guide you in the process!